


The Balsam, Fallen Silent

by Artemisia (moonflowercrown)



Series: Derry Girls Emo Moments [2]
Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflowercrown/pseuds/Artemisia
Summary: James sometimes gets upset for no reason, and occasionally, at not-so-convinient times. (A small drabble I wrote at midnight, reminiscing about when I used to cry randomly...)
Relationships: James Maguire & Michelle Mallon
Series: Derry Girls Emo Moments [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969699
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	The Balsam, Fallen Silent

It was like one of those nights, one where everything is collapsing in on you and there's too much going on for you to handle and you can't stop yourself from crying. You do it quietly, into your pillow, refusing to let people hear you.

Except not really.

For James, this time, it was ten in the morning on a Saturday and, as usual, his friends had plans which they all agreed on and he was expected down with them right at that very moment, yet there he was.  
His stomach hurt from how much he was sobbing but he couldn't stop himself - a brief second of contemplation had ended in this uncontrollable spiral and he hadn't a clue where it came from. He barely had room to think through his splitting headache and the shouting in the back of his mind demanding he stop and get himself together before someone discovered him, the pathetic little pile of misery that he was.

And yet, the door opened.

Nothing past that, not for a while. A wave of panic passed through him and, for a second, he stopped. But again, he slipped, crying harder than before, not even looking up at who was there. Regardless, he knew it was Michelle.

Michelle, who stood there, panic of her own beginning to grip her. Never before had she seen James like this - sure, he had had pretty intense emotional outbursts before, but this was entirely different. Part of her wanted to belittle him, call him names and laugh at him. Perhaps, a year ago, that part of her would have won. Now though, she saw the shaking frame of her little cousin who, as time went on, she cared for more and more. Often, she would jump to his defence, should an outsider go for him. Here, there was nothing to defend. There was no offender. Just the two of them.  
Comfort wasn't her strong point, by any means. James himself, if anyone, was more suited to that. Anyone else, really, was better than her, but... she didn't want to pass him off to anyone else. She felt the need to repay him, if anything. Her mind cast back to those nights, the odd ones, ones where he stayed with her when she was upset or the ones where she was drunk and he sorted her out without hesitation or the ones where they made up after an argument no matter how nasty it'd gotten. Through all her insults and jeering, he'd stuck around. It's not like he really had a choice, but he could easily just ignore her, yet still he would greet her every morning and walk to the bus stop with her, regardless of how much she wound him up. Honestly, she felt a little guilty. She had to try something.  
By the time she'd decided this, James had steadied a little, and she stepped up to him, awkwardly sitting on the edge of his bed, right in front of him. He shifted a little, stiffening uncomfortably. It was easy to tell he didn't want to get caught like this, but it'd happened anyway, and it’s not like they could pretend nothing had happened. Slowly, he lifted his face from the pillow, trying to blink away tears as he did so. He stared at Michelle; whose expression was unreadable as she begged herself to say something. 

"Sorry."  
James' voice was quiet and hoarse and unsure. He quivered a little, looking as if he were about to burst at any moment.  
Michelle, finally taking control of herself again, reached out to his hand, which was gripping his pillow, and took it gently; something Orla had done many a time to her.

"Nothin' to be sorry for, James," she said softly, squeezing his hand a little. "You still wanna go out today? I can tell 'em to fuck off if you don't."  
"I think I'll be fine now. I'm not sure what came over me there, but I just couldn't stop myself," James said. He smiled at her, and she matched it. They lingered a little longer, taking in the quiet of the room. Moments like these made them realise how close they really were – despite Michelle’s aversion to anything even slightly emotional, she broke through it enough that James understood it; something that’d be a struggle for anyone else. Eventually, though, the drift of conversation reached them from the downstairs hallway, and they were dragged back to reality. Loud speculation on where James was, mostly, and when they heard Orla question whether he was alive or not, they both realised they should make a move before they were bombarded by the rest of the group. 

"You should go sort yourself out. Use a cold flannel, get rid of the blotchiness on your face," Michelle instructed him, and he nodded. She got up and went to the door, where she stopped and looked back for a second. "If you figure it out, tell me."  
With that, she was gone. She could hear her battling Erin downstairs, arguing with her about his lateness. He chuckled softly, getting up and sorting his bed out. 

Life was wonderful, he decided.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe this is a reflection of the type of things I need said to me? I kinda feel like I messed this one up a little, but I like it, so it's going up. Title is from the song Balsam by Kurose Madoka.


End file.
